Ban Cisgender White Men From Public Bathrooms: A Modest Proposal

With all the troubles in the world—radical Islamic terrorism, climate change, Donald Trump—it’s good that the religious right is focused on the biggest existential threat to America: transgender women wanting to pee in women’s bathrooms. If you’ve been following the recent crop of “bathroom bills” within the past few months, you’d think there’s a huge epidemic of “men pretending to be women” entering into women’s bathrooms to rape and assault women and children, even though, according to the Transgender Law Center, the Human Rights Campaign, and the American Civil Liberties Union, there is no statistical evidence that transgender people are committing sexual assault in public bathrooms. Of course this didn’t prevent the American Family Association (AFA) from launching a campaign to boycott Target stores over the company’s decision to allow women to pee in women’s bathrooms.

On April 16, 2016, Target announced that trans women can use their women’s bathrooms, and trans men can use men’s bathrooms (it doesn’t mention anything about nonbinary people like myself, so I assume it’s okay if I still use the gender-neutral family/wheelchair accessible bathroom). According to a statement posted online:

We believe that everyone—every team member, every guest, and every community—deserves to be protected from discrimination, and treated equally. Consistent with this belief, Target supports the federal Equality Act, which provides protections to LGBT individuals, and opposes action that enables discrimination. . . . Everyone deserves to feel like they belong. And you’ll always be accepted, respected and welcomed at Target.

The AFA responded with a call for all decent, God-fearing Christians to boycott Target. According to their website, the store’s “dangerous new policy poses a danger to wives and daughters” by allowing men who claim to be women to go into women’s bathrooms and do all sorts of nasty stuff. After all, the AFA asks in all its rhetorical rectitude, “with Target publicly boasting that men can enter women’s bathrooms, where do you think predators are going to go?”

The AFA isn’t the only organization that’s doing their part to end the nonexistent epidemic of trans-bathroom rapists. According to a May 3 Huffington Post article, individual Christians in Illinois, Tennessee and Oregon were going into Target stores to preach the Bible and urge shoppers to repent for supporting evil. “Target, this is your wake-up call,” cried one such preacher, who then went on to say that transgender people were “defying God’s will.” As if not finding capris in my size wasn’t bad enough!

Now, I understand the concern for safety. According to the National Sexual Violence Research Center, one in five women experience some form of sexual assault. . It’s obvious we need to do something about it, but is banning trans people from public bathrooms the answer? Not only is there no statistical evidence of trans people assaulting women in bathrooms, but according to the Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Center of the University of Michigan, most rapes and sexual assaults are conducted by white males. Presumably, these are cisgender men, whose gender self-identity conforms with the sex they were assigned at birth, because the stats reveal nothing about trans men.



So here’s a Swiftian modest proposal that I think will solve this dilemma: ban all cisgender white men from public bathrooms.

Here’s how it would work: any business or organization that provides public bathroom facilities must have a security guard to screen everyone who wants to use the bathroom. If you identify as male, and your ID identifies you as a male, you must go outside the building to a designated area. This area can either be behind a dumpster or in the bushes, which is actually more convenient than it sounds because there are plenty of leaves and garbage around these areas for white cisgender men to wipe themselves. These designated areas will also be surrounded by security cameras to make sure the white cisgender men don’t try to pull any funny business.

Yes, this new legislation may upset a few people, but we have to think about the children. I mean, what kind of world are we living in when our children are constantly under the threat of being abused by neighbors, family members, and friends?

I’m telling you, all those white cis men running around—it just ain’t right! Besides, sometimes we need to sacrifice some of our freedoms in order to keep them from being stolen (although I don’t know how exactly that works). Together we can make public bathrooms safe places to shit again. God bless America!

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  • This wins the internets for today.

  • Laura Hurt

    Wonderful Trav, very well done! Awesome arguments!

  • psrieth

    I’m authentically lost when it comes to this issue. I don’t understand why it exists . What is a cisgender man (and are there black cisgendered men or what is the significance of skin color here?)

    I fail to understand either side in this debate. I feel like I live on Pluto where the population – for all of its faults – has mastered the toilet issue when they were around 3 years old and were also taught not to look up women’s skirts in public nor force men to pull down their pants .

    • Cisgender means that the gender you identify as is the same as your physical gender. I am physically a female and I also identify as female; therefore, I’m a cisgender female. The only difference between a white cisgender male and a black cisgender male is their race.

      Personally, I think we should stop with the “cis” and “trans” labels because all it does is divide us and labels people as “others”. While I’m not transgender, I would think that a transgender female would rather be identified as just female and a transgender male would rather be identified as a male. I know I would rather be identified as just female, without the “cis-“.

      And you’re right. This shouldn’t even be an issue. However, since the Religious Right lost the war on same sex marriage (and they know it), they’ve moved on to discriminating against transgender individuals.

      • psrieth

        Thank you. As a religious person who took the view that marriage should be left up to Churches and individuals (I also practice this view; I have a Church wedding but no civil wedding), I was nominally more open to the views of supporters of traditional marriage and advocated civil unions for LGBTQ individuals. Nevertheless, I hated the issue because it really does polarize people and also takes our focus off of more important problems. I am happy my Church (Catholic) has taken the “who am I to judge” stance and stopped obsessing over gays (especially when we have so much to fix in our own crumbling families). I’m still concerned about the propriety of people under 18 declaring or pursuing radical hormon treatment due to gender identity issues (I think such treatment should only be given to minors if chromosomal abnormalities are revealed by the proper tests), I had nevertheless hoped that – like it or not – the Supreme Court decision closed the debate , but no. We keep arguing instead of helping or understanding eachother better. Oh well…first the bedroom wars…now the bathroom wars.

        • It’s very rare that someone under 18 would pursue hormones, and they would never do it without parental approval and the observation of a bevy of doctors. It’s not like kids are freebasing estrogen under the bleachers; this is tightly controlled by the medical community.

          Hormone blockers, on the other hand, to push back the onset of puberty, have no permanent affects at all on young people, and are routinely used for non-trans individuals for whom puberty has come at too young an age. Again – tightly regulated by doctors who monitor bloodwork and scrutinize physical changes at every step of the way.

      • Jim Krugh

        Thanks, I had no idea what cisgender meant either.

      • Rose

        The only problem with getting rid of the cost and trans labels is, well, the same problem there is with getting rid of any labels. Not dividing people would be a nice thought if everyone were treated equally, but they’re not. If you ignore the trans label and just call trans women women, then you ignore the specific oppression that trans women face.

      • Rose


      • whatever

        Attack helicopter, checking in!

        • Igmus Maximus

          Copy, this is attack helicopter Three-Bravo

          Time to come out of the hangar! 🙂

      • Shatterface

        Cisgender means that the gender you identify as is the same as your physical gender.

        The gender I identify as is male, not cis-gendere male.
        Cis-gender male and cis-gender female are identities almost entirely imposed by other people.

        You can’t claim gender is a matter of identification while imposing a gender identity on other people.

      • Your privilege is showing, Kathy. I bet you’re cis.

    • bobco85

      As Kathy stated earlier, “cis-” just means that you identify with the gender which you were assigned at birth. I don’t know the reason the prefix came about, but I would guess that it is more useful and less inflammatory than saying something like normal/average/expected/etc. Cisgender comes across as a more neutral term.

      The “white cisgender male” probably refers to the fact that most of the people who are writing and bringing these “bathroom bills” up are white cisgender male politicians, so the irony in this satire would come from banning them instead of the people they want to ban.

      As far as knowing how to conduct oneself in a bathroom/locker room/whatever, the proponents of “bathroom bills” have so far been successful in steering the discussion towards the fear of threats towards the innocent (daughters, specifically, then expanding to women in general) rather than public accommodations to transgender people who are innocent themselves and face threats and harassment if they were to go into the “wrong” bathroom. I’m sure most of the people on this site know how to respect the privacy of others especially when in a bathroom or locker room.

      To be honest, I think a lot of this comes from a lot of people feeling skeeved out by the concept of a transgender person. I think most of this feeling comes from a combination of ignorance/inexperience which can promote fear and a biased worldview, basically one where everything is black and white, people only do what they are “ought” to do usually as commanded by some higher being/power, and all who do not follow such “guidelines” are presented as caricatures of evil who are actively trying to harm those good people or lead them astray.

      It takes more effort to understand and accept transgender people than it does to fear and hate them, and some people just aren’t willing to try.

      • Bernie Salamanders

        Women have been raped and murdered in bathrooms, so let’s make it easier for predators to access female only spaces without question.

        • ck, the Irate Lump

          Ahh, so the people who weren’t going to follow the law about murder and rape are going to be suddenly dissuaded by a law that prohibits them from entering a restroom? Sorry trans-folks, but we gotta have this law because it’s murder-rapist kryptonite.

          • Bernie Salamanders

            And I assume that you don’t lock your doors and windows because burglars can just break the windows.

          • Deven Kale

            Anything that makes it easier for a criminal to commit a crime is something that should be avoided by those who prefer not to be victims. Locking a door makes it more difficult to break into a home, so it’s prudent to do so.

            Forcing a man who has a vagina to use the Women’s room is not what you think it is, since it does not make it more difficult for a criminal to commit a crime. In fact, over a period of a few years, with vagina-bearing men frequently going into ladies rooms by force of law, it will have the opposite effect. People will get accustomed to men walking into ladies rooms and allow it without batting an eye. At that point, truly dangerous penis-bearing men will be able to do so without worry.

            On the other hand, allowing vagina-bearing men to use the mens room and penis-bearing women to use the ladies room will allow the status quo to stay where it is, where anybody who is very obviously not a woman is kept from using the women’s room (nobody really cares if a woman walks into the mens room, oddly enough). Which means that all women are far more protected by allowing all of them in the women’s room regardless of genitalia than banning them based on it.

            Funny thing is, this has already been happening for decades with few people either noticing or caring. Why it’s such a big deal now completely eludes me. Especially since nearly all of the women I’ve ever known who knew this was happening actually thought it was entertaining or just downright embraced it up until it become politicized. It’s just weird.

          • Bernie Salamanders

            You are assuming that all trans women get SRS. They do not. Most of them still have their penises and look like men. All that they need to do is claim that their gender identity is female to gain entry to female only spaces – showers, change rooms and bathrooms.

  • Jennifer

    Glad to see the light finally being shined on male violence rather than feminists.

    Unfortunately this piece failed to apply intersectionality. On the basis of one study that concluded 60% of sex offenses are committed by white men, the author singles out white men and erases the reality of the victims of the other 40% of assaults, the likely vast majority of whom are non-white women.

    Men need to stop using this issue to win points over other men while doing nothing to end patriarchal domination. All men benefit from and participate in subjugating women.

    • Benjamin Paul Lynema

      I once had a male coworker tell me I wasn’t a real man because I haven’t had sex and that I cannot be friends with women for the same reason. Try and figure that logic. Having this experience I understand how you feel about how meat headed and crummy concepts of “traditional masculinity” can be.

      “All men benefit from and participate in subjugating women.” Don’t discount those of us who are trying. Some of us are being shat on by those same people for the same cause as well.

    • ebs001

      It’s satire Jennifer. A “Modest Proposal” to solve the transgender/bathroom problem, nothing else.

  • Kelly Pickens

    i’ve been saying this for weeks. pedophiles are overwhelmingly white males so if this is about protecting the children then they better start posting monitors in the mens restrooms

    • Julian the Apostate

      The data from the study referenced in the article states that 99% of sex offenders are male, and 6 in 10 white. Overwhelmingly male? Yes. Overwhelmingly white? Hardly. Especially since, at 75 – 80% of the population in the 1990s, when the study was produced, whites are actually less likely to be sexual offenders in proportion to their percentage of the overall population.

    • LouisLapierre

      Could have something to do with the fact that men when accused of pedophilia, are said to be pedophiles, and when women does it, lets just say that it rarely make the news.

      I’ve got one line that is seared in my mind. From the Vagina Monologue, about a grown women raping a 12 year old little girl : “If this was rape, it was a good rape.”

  • Eric A. Kugler

    Unless you have a disability or little kids with you, please stay out of the family bathroom.

    • Unless you have ensured that specific restroom space is safe for all genders, don’t tell us how to survive.

      • Eric A. Kugler

        When you have a toddler and a preschooler who are both girls and you are a man, and both really have to pee, and someone who is neither with a family or disabled is taking up the only bathroom space that is safe for more than one person to use the toilet at the same time, I’ll tell you how to survive. Or you can help me clean up the mess that will result. Hostility towards you is not an excuse to cause a two year old and a four year old distress about having an accident in public.

        Taking care of others is a vital part of a civilized society. Do not devalue others so that you can feel of value yourself. If you feel unsafe going to a bathroom, I will gladly stand guard for you, but if you cause my little ones distress because you like to use the big bathroom with a lock on the door that is the height of arrogance and selfishness.

        • “Taking care of others is a vital part of a civilized society.” So take care of others in society. And do not assume that trans people don’t also have kids and disabilities. It is the height of arrogance and selfishness to assume we need to risk physical assault because someone else might also have kids.

          • Honestly, I cannot get over this assumption you’re making. You think we’re such freaks and outcasts that nobody would willingly fuck us? Allow us to retain custody of our own children?

          • Erich Vasil

            This wasn’t about you. It was about the author of the article, who says they use the handicap/family bathroom, strongly implying that their reason for doing so is their identity, not due a handicap or being a father. That is wrong. It’d be like taking a handicap parking space because you have a paranoia about walking through parking lots. There are people who need those bathrooms, fully intent on using them for their designated purpose. No one said your son and yourself shouldn’t be using them. You’re a family – and it’s a family bathroom.

          • Cis people: *kick me out of gendered restrooms*

            You people made this mess, now sit in it.

        • Also: consider that when you take your frustration with a broken system out on the people at the bottom of the shit heap, you’re part of the problem. We don’t need more bathroom police, we need liberators.

          • True story: I was using the family restroom with my young child, because we have both gotten kicked out of restrooms together because I am trans (protip: bigots don’t care that they’re harming my kid). He’s also terrified of toilet flushing noises, so while I was sitting on the toilet taking my turn after he was done, he ran out of the family restroom and left me alone in there to finish my business. Then when I left, people assumed I had been in there all alone and made judgemental comments about me. Your loinfruit is not more precious than mine, and your kid’s comfort is not more important than our physical safety. Fuck off.

    • If it makes you feel better, I just take a quick piss so I won’t hold up the line.

    • Those are not the only stated purposes of the”family” bathroom in any facility. Anyone may use the family bathroom, kids or no, disability or no. You can wait in line like every other person has to.

  • Brandon Osborn

    How about just banning Republicans from public bathrooms? These sexually repressed conservatives are the ones most statistically likely to spontaneously put a Glock upside the head of a 10-year-old in a filthy public bathroom and cornhole him while whispering, “Shut up and and like it, Obama.” I’m cisgender, but not cisnormative, and I don’t give a shit who pees where!

    How would you test for this? attach the bathroom key to an EBT / Bridge / SNAP card, check the reaction when you show them the fob, and act accordingly.

  • R McLaughlin

    This is what happens when a large population is sexually repressed through force of organized religion. All the batshit crazies come out thinking people want to molest their inbred children… then they go and whip them with coat hangers for dropping the can of SPAM or some such nonsense.

  • Felipe Perez


    I have the issue with your prognosis on the dealing with this issue. While I am of Hispanic (with some American Indian going further back in my lineage) my 5-year-old son is of mixed race (my wife having a mixed German/French lineage) and as such his physical features and skin coloration match my wife’s much more than my own.

    When he grows up and has to go to a public bathroom, this particular bill concept (let’s just say “poof” it happened) that you are promoting would treat him like any other “white males who identify as male gender”. Would there be any “go to the bathroom free” cards for those who can (if they can) prove that they are more (or less?) than just “white”? Will blood tests/DNA tests be involved, or will it be based completely on skin coloration for the “whiteness” portion?

    Of course, the assumption there this impacting him in adulthood and not this moment in time. So, before I could take my 5-year-old son the bathroom who does it fall on to prove both his racial identity and his personal gender orientation?

    I think you concept needs a bit of tweaking. Also, it looks like you would also be a bit hampered by this bill.
    “Trav Mamone is a bisexual genderqueer humanist blogger who writes about the intersections of social justice and secular humanism”

    This theoretical bill concept of your would also apply to you as you are a white male who (unless something is off with your bio) does not gender identify as female.

    The “genderqueer” orientation would only be a half protection, so is effectively no protection.

    “a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders.”

    Uncertainty does not not breed trust. If the logic is that “cisgender white males” would not be trusted 100% of the time, then “genderqueer” whlte males” who identify as both/neither is an odd quantum type of situation to work into that law. Ach…nevermind all of the variables are giving me a headache.

    Your bill concept makes as much sense (so…nonsense) as the various other worthless “bathroom bills”.

    Take care,

    • Bruce Glassco

      Felipe, you may want to look up the concept of “satire” in a good dictionary. The phrase “here’s a modest proposal” is a tipoff. For that matter, you could look up the original essay by Swift. Hint: Swift is not actually advocating what he says he’s advocating.

      • Smith_90125

        Unfortunately, there are two universal truths about the internet age versus the print-only news era:

        (1) If people can respond and speak instantly without taking the time to think first, then they will speak without thinking. Back in the day when “letters to the editor” went through the mail, people had to sit down and write it or type it out before sending it…and by the time they finished, they realized they misunderstood what the writer was saying, and started over or never sent it. The internet allows for instant displays of stupidity, for being inconsiderate without considering what they read.

        (2) Anything that can be misinterpreted, misconstrued and misrepresented will be misinterpreted, misconstrued and misrepresented by the ignorant, the gain sayers and the knee-jerk reactionaries. One expects rightwingnuts to overreact, misunderstand or lie about what they read, but even so-called “progressive” people are more than willing to display their ignorance, more than willing to talk without any semblance of a clue.

  • Kal

    Most abuse of children and non-reciprocal domestic abuse is by white women. Let’s use statistics to put down arbitrary groups by demographic distortions of truth!!!

    Don’t bash your allies based on their demographic class. The only people reading your article are those who already agree with you- act like it!

    • Not in the UK, stats show violent abuse of kids is not significantly different between men and women, although severity is. Sexual abuse is more men doing it, also far more serious with women more likely to be involved in lower level abuse rather than violent coercive abuse. So I don’t know where you got your figures from but they are not universal by any means!

      • Kal

        Most abuse overall including neglect of children (80%) is from women and it’s typical. You changed the question to different kinds of abuse.

        The point is, don’t use statistics to put down an entire demographic.

    • Bernie Salamanders

      Yes. Female only spaces are not safe for mtf since women are violent rapists too.

  • Arjen Bootsma

    While banning all white, cisgendered males from using public restrooms might be overly broad (heck, I do have to pee sometimes, and getting older means that “sometimes” becomes more and more frequent). I propose we start with banning white, male Republican Senators from using public restrooms. There’s hard evidence they have used public restrooms in the past fro nefarious purposes. (For those with shorter memory spans, google Larry Craig)

    • Shatterface

      You want to ban all gays from restrooms or just Republican ones?

      • Arjen Bootsma

        I have absolutely no clue at all how you came to interpret my post as wanting to ban all gays from public rest rooms. I think I specified a quite narrow category of the people I’d like to ban.

    • Dennis Trisker

      I have a good solution: ban everyone from the bathrooms. Then we wouldn’t have to spend time and money cleaning them. Here in India we have an advanced culture: poop and pee where you need to. Much more natural!

  • DevlinHill

    I get that this is tongue in cheek, but….

    When you fight stupidity with stupidity, you guarantee that stupidity wins.

    • Yeah, but sometimes you have to say something outrageously stupid in order to point out how outrageously stupid something is.

  • Mister Cerberus

    Why are you pretending the religious right is talking about trans people? They haven’t mentioned trans people, they’re talking about men – who are not trans – going into the women’s room to prey on people.

    By pretending that they’re talking about trans people and transparently strawmanning their position, all you’re doing is making yourself look childish and giving the impression that you can’t argue against the position they actually hold. Which is ridiculous because the position they hold is absurd.

    At least I think it is, obviously you don’t.

    Both sides are stupid, but you manage to be stupider. Good job.

    • craiggnt

      Ok,where is the evidence of this happening before? It was and is very easy for a male to enter a womens restroom dressed as a woman to attack a female. But it hasn’t and doesn’t happen. The only thing stopping a man dressed as a woman either today or fifty years ago is the sign on a the door. They ar emaking it about transgenders by using trans as an excuse when no one has made any attemp to stop attacks in the past. They are also saying trans will rape their children. Where is this not blaming trans ? The threat was just as high before pro trans bathroom laws were enacted ,why didn’t anyone demand cops doing dick checks then if it isn’t about trans ?

      • Paul

        Men have tried it and they’ve been caught because dressing like a woman won’t fool many women and if women see a man dressed as a woman in there they’d call him out and report him.

        If they’re allowed in there then some men will take advantage of that and when confronted they’ll be able to push back.

        Is that a serious issue? I don’t know, I don’t have enough data. Maybe ask that can be done is try it and see if it makes a difference.

        As Rod indicates in his reply to the same comment as you replied. If a person looks like a woman then they can already use the women’s bathroom because nobody is any the wiser. They may not even be affected by thie bathroom law if they’ve changed their birth certificate.

    • Rod Fleming

      Absolutely. The issue is not about whether people who have genuinely transitioned should or should not use facilities appropriate to their lived gender, but whether a man, identifiable as such, who lives his life as a man, and enjoys all the male privilege that this brings him, can simply say ‘I identify as a woman,’ and have access to women’s safe spaces. In deliberately avoiding this, the core issue, the article is clueless BS and its author is a moron.

      My girlfriend, who is TS, uses women’s facilities all the time. You know why? BECAUSE NOBODY CAN TELL. Gosh the blindingly obvious is beyond the mutts who write this drivel. Nobody is ‘what they identify as’. They are what they CAN BE IDENTIFIED AS. These wallies might rail at the awful injustice of having to comply with social expectations, but tough. Women do have to be protected from rapists. If you want to be identified as a woman, YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE ONE. (And vice versa of course.)

      • Sally Strange

        If you want to be identified as a woman, YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE ONE.

        Serious question. Why can’t we accept that people are who they say they are? Who gave you the right to determine whether I fit some arbitrary standard of physical appearance for this or that gender?

        • Arjen Bootsma

          I remember watching the European Championship 1983 track and field and there was this (I believe) Bulgarian woman in the competition. I was jealous of her body: ripped arms, broad shoulders, a hard six pack, etc. Not the standard definition of femininity, to say the least. But then again, this was Bulgaria before the Wall fell: the athlete in question may have had XX-chromosomes, but her training and nutrition regimen must have involved taking a quart of industrial grade testosterone by IV every day.

      • Robert Jory

        and enjoys all the male privilege that this brings him

        I laughed at this part.

      • John H

        I agree with you and disagree with you. I believe that the individual in question needs to at least make an attempt to look like the gender he or she is trying to be. I say this because I feel it is better to not exclude those who are new to transitioning and are not convincingly transitioned yet. I do feel they should make a conscious take on the appearance as best as possible.

      • Bernie Salamanders

        These people are trans-trenders Rod. They don’t have a clue what a real transexual is – they just believe, ignorantly, that gender identity, which is unfalsifiable, is what scientifically determines biological sex.

    • Sally Strange

      Why are you blatantly lying? The religious right’s pretense is that trans women don’t exist, that they are cis men wearing dresses. They explicitly reference trans women over and over again to maintain this pretense. That the author sees through their lies does not render this portrayal of the religious right’s position a straw man.

      • Mister Cerberus

        So your counter to my claim that they aren’t talking about trans people is to tell me that they don’t believe trans people are real. Well, if that’s the case, they’re obviously not talking about trans people. Why would they if they’re not real?

        “That the author sees through their lies does not render this portrayal of the religious right’s position a straw man.”

        Oh I see. Misrepresenting what somebody is saying isn’t a strawman, it’s ‘seeing through their lies’. That’s brilliant. You can use that as a reason to accuse anyone of anything.

        Question: Why ‘see through’ their lies when their lies are terrible exactly as they are?

  • Ron Lane


  • Glebs Litvjaks

    You are not a humanist.. You are an SJW.

    • You do know this is satire, right?

      • Arjen Bootsma

        I don’t think Senator Palpatine did know that. Besides, only the Sith think in absolutes.

      • Igmus Maximus

        You are an SJW, Poe’s Law applies. If you don’t believe this, look at the responses.

      • Igmus Maximus

        Also, you sir are racist, sexist and a cisphobe. You would never write such an article, satire or not, on “Ban transgender black women from public bathrooms”

    • wgone

      He is not a humanist, he suffers from a mental health issue. What he has is not biological. We need to hold the APA responsible for the damage aSJW’s are doing to society, the same way we should have held them responsible for damage they did when the classified homoseuality a disorder.

  • Faggory Daggory Doo!

    This article is retarted

    • Arjen Bootsma

      This article is tongue firmly in cheek….

      • Smith_90125

        If only FDD would put his tongue into his own cheek, and then bite down. Hard.

    • Deven Kale

      When insulting the intelligence of another, please be sure that you’re not showing your own lack of it quite so clearly.

  • Russ Seamster


  • Kevin Earle


    • Google is your friend.

      • Shatterface

        My friends pay tax.

  • cs

    I always thought that a better idea would be to implement a
    mandatory “buddy system” for washrooms at public institutions such as
    schools and hospitals: every person has the right and obligation to bring a
    same-gendered (as declared by them) person, whether peer or authority figure,
    to the washroom with them, and both people must agree to go together. And
    perverts and harassers–whether transgender person or cis-gender men–would
    have to both find a willing accomplice and face a potential victim who will have
    at least one person for backup.

    Would it be inconvenient? Hell yes, but not unfairly so to
    any particular group, and unlike trying to legislate transgender and intersex
    people out of washrooms, it actually has the potential to work to some degree,
    since most rapes and assaults happen to and are done by people who are
    otherwise alone at the time. Depending on the degree of success, we can look
    into how we can extend it to other public washrooms: maybe place a security
    guard outside and get people to sign in in pairs?

    Then when people start demanding to be allowed to go to the washroom alone,
    we can ask ourselves again if we live in a world where simply allowing people
    to bring a friend if they feel unsafe in a public washroom is enough security,
    or if we live in a world where perverts could lurk in any dark corner and making
    sure every person has an escort to the bathroom is the very least we can do no
    matter how inconvenient or embarrassing it makes a trip to the bathroom–for

  • Apparently my sense of humor goes over some people’s heads. If it makes you all feel better, if we were still debating marriage equality, I would have written a satirical article suggesting divorce should be made illegal. Sometimes you have to be ridiculous in order to point out ridiculous ideas.

    • John D

      Normally, when people think you are not funny….it’s because you are not funny. Trust me, your humor is not too “smart” for us.

      • Joshua White

        Or because one is the butt of a particular form of humor. Humor being a relative subjective phenomena it’s often objectively funny and and not funny at the same time.

        • It’s the Schrodinger Comedy Hour!

          • John D

            Oh my… haha. Trav says: “I really am funny… youall are just stupid!… and I can use a ridiculous physics reference too!”

          • Jeff Elberfeld

            All right. Shall I laugh then? Ha ha ha. Happy now?

    • Xena Wesaquate

      >Says something horribly fucking terrible
      >Faces scrutiny for being unfunny
      “Holy shit guys it’s satire quit picking on me”

  • disqus_izKB2mVZ9T

    South Park predicted this like 2 years ago.

  • Sally Strange

    You’re on the internet.
    You read an article on the internet that has a word in it that you don’t recognize.
    If your response is to leave a comment stating that you do not understand that word, you’re failing at life. Use the google machine.

    • Susan in Florida

      Good idea.
      Cisgender is a term for someone who has a gender identity that aligns with what they were assigned at birth. The term was created for referring to “non-transgender” people without alienating transgender people.

  • How shall we differentiate between cis men and genderqueer men?

    Affidavits and biometrics (scrotal prints) must be registered.

  • psrieth

    I should like to add some new thoughts as I have just been to a public bathroom at the airport in Amsterdam . There was quite a line and the highly uncomfortable situation of “one in/one out” was followed by all. We don’t have time for dithering. Since men in such situations tend not to look directly at one another and no obvious transgender people were anywhere to be seen I tried to imagine just who would make an issue of this. Who actually takes the time to stare into the faces of other people in the bathroom to figure out their sexual identity (ergo staring at someone in the toilet thinking about sexuality)? Only someone with an unhealthy fetish could come up with a law like this. It invites a Fruedian analysis of sexual motives for political programs. Granted, I saw no children but if you think about it children are generally more attention grabbing than transgender people. In any event , I can’t imagine the chaos that would come of a law regulating this. As for comfort: there is no comfort in using a public bathroom with strangers. Doesn’t matter what their gender is.

    • I worry about all the sicko mommies who bring their obviously cis little boys in to pee in the women’s room.

      No, I actually don’t.

      People just need to pee. Please just let people pee.

      • Bernie Salamanders

        Gender identity laws also apply to showers and change rooms.

  • drpep58

    I want legislation requiring that if you use any of the LBTQgobbletygook terms such as “cisgender”, you must also provide the definition.

    • Or you could, y’know, Google it.

      • drpep58

        Shouldn’t have to. Don’t really care. If someone’s main identity is their sexual orientation, I pity him, her, it… The same for those that identify others by their sexual identity or look down on others for their sexual identity.

        The only way to equality is to advance what is in common rather than what makes us different.

        IOW, as long as you emphasize the differences, expect to be treated differently and perhaps badly because of them.

        The goal should be to make others not give a fuck what your or anyone else’s sexual identity is so shut the fuck up about it.

        • John D

          Identity politics is the scourge of the 2010 decade. We will laugh at this in 20 years…. if I am still alive.

        • So, you’re blaming people because of your pitiful vocabulary.

  • Arakiba

    Love it!

  • jr

    Does anyone have any data on how many trans women have simply been using women’s bathrooms for as long as there have been trans women and women’s bathrooms?

  • John D

    Another example of why I do not call myself a Humanist and stopped donating to AHA. They have turned into a childish bunch of leftist knuckleheads. :^(

    • And yet you’re still hanging out in the comment section Interesting . . .

      • John D

        Just trying to do a little bit to turn Humanism into something respectable and meaningful again.

        • Well, you might have more fun crawling back into your primordial ooze.

          • Bernie Salamanders

            White capitalist patriarchy is the root of all evil in the world.

            I welcome our new Islamic overlords.

  • Hanrod

    Yes, but by being funny and satirical you are still trying to make some point about the substance, obviously. Perhaps it is my age, but the term “cisgender” is one that escapes me, probably fortunately. The “sexual assault” potential is a shallow argument; though, outside of schools, public restrooms are known sites for sexual cruising (mostly men for men). Still, we do have to wonder about the many middle and high school deans who will have to deal with the “jock jokes” soon to be played by some from the school sports teams, who will pretend to be “undecided”, while also urgently answering Nature’s call. The real question for many of us, is where this SORT of thing LEADS: i.e. how far must we go to make special provisions for often miniscule minorities, such as those who are seriously allergic to even the smell of peanut butter, etc. The likely best answer to this one is European style uni-gender bathrooms, preferably, but not necessarily, with only private stalls. The urge for urination and defecation seems unrelated to sexual urges … but then I suppose there are THOSE minorities too.

    • There is no insult implied to being described as cis. It’s like being described as straight or white or black or left-handed or whatever. It just means your gender is the same as what the doctor told your parents you were when you were born.

      • Bernie Salamanders

        Die cis scum.

        • Well, except for that.

          Actually from reading further comments you are making, either you are a huge troll or a major jerkwad.

          • Bernie Salamanders

            Or the argument that cis people are by their very existence oppressors of trans people.

  • Lorraine Lawrence

    i cannot believe that people are having these conversations while a maniacal white supremacist edges closer to the highest office in the land. does it truly matter so much where a person pees?

  • rumpole stiltzskin

    If you are a man go in the men’s room even if you are trying to look like a woman…..If you have a Penis and Testicles,use the men’s room,if you also have breasts as well you should be required to have them in the open!If you are a hermorphadite,then pee wherever you want!!

  • cgosling

    Tray, I enjoyed your article and its humor. Thanks

  • kerryberger

    Well written, Trav and hilarious. It’s a shame some of these haters have zero sense of humor when sarcasm hits home. I wonder why they still don’t get the message? Thank you.

  • Plotarmor

    Yes, ban somebody from a public bathroom cuz men are all raepiast and are white. How racist and bigoted of you. I feel my iq points slowly draining while trying to read this shit.



    If this is satire, then its fucking horrible satire. You suck at making satire. Or you are saying its satire to save face for your big fuck up.

    • Nope
      It is satire
      And last time I checked
      .In satire you’re supposed to say outrageously stupid things in order to show how outrageously stupid an idea is

      • Plotarmor

        You say it as if you mean it. Even the sjws are saying they should “ban” “White” men from public bathrooms. If you are bad with satire. People will agree with it and think it is real. Most of the people on this website could be considered SJWs. So ill say it again. You are bad at making satire.

  • Billy Plante

    I want to know, how ANYONE can claim to be a humanist, and write an article like this. Doublespeak is strong in this one

    • sat·ire



      the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

      • Billy Plante

        Poe’s law
        (religious fundamentalism): “Without a winking smiley or other blatant
        display of humour, it is impossible to create a parody of fundamentalism
        that someone won’t mistake for the real thing.”

        • Jeremiah Traeger

          Need a wink? Try the title, a blatant reference to the quintessential satire piece in modern history. If you didn’t get that, I’m sorry your high school didn’t teach you Jonathan Swift.

          Not to mention the “God bless America” at the end. Why would that belong on a serious article on The Humanist?