News of the Weird

By Bill Daehler

It’s always something strange—news reports of a Dorito in the shape of a cross or burnt toast engraved with an image of the Virgin Mary.  These divine gastronomic coincidences are not news themselves but become news when worshipped as signs from God.  News stories about crazy right-wing conspiracy theories or strange things believers believe can funny and strange.  So, HNN has compiled a few of the craziest conspiracies, quotes and outlandish claims we’ve seen recently.  Here are a few headlines that caught our eye:

Florida Mayor Blames Atheists for World’s Problems
I would set up this piece but I’ll let Mayor Sonny Nobles of Live Oak, Florida explain for himself: “The main point is that if people around the world truly had God in their lives, there would not be any of the things that atheists point to in order to discredit a belief in the Almighty. God is caring and loving. He is not a mean God. If people were to turn toward God and not away from Him, there would be a heaven on earth. God bless us all.”

Image Of Virgin Mary Appears In Bird Dropping On Area Family’s Truck

 The Virgin Mary has been seen countless times on everything from a potato chip to a cloud. In this very bizarre instance, Mary is seen in a bird dropping on the side mirror of a truck.  Family, friends and neighbors have come to see this ‘miracle,’ and the owner of the truck said she has no plans of washing it off.  I’m no authority on the subject of Marian apparitions, but something tells me this sighting is a piece of crap.
Source: KWTX News, Waco, Texas

The Latest Anti-Obama Conspiracy: President Bringing Muslims To Transform U.S. Into Islamic Nation

Forget the birthers; that’s old news. This could be the best (and craziest) of the Obamaphobic conspiracy theories. Here President Obama is believed to be importing Muslims to the U.S. in order to transform the country into an Islamic nation by the end of his second term and, of course, set up some kind of caliphate in which he is elected by the tens of millions of new immigrant Muslims. This quote from a conspiracy theorist pretty much sums it up: “The Moslem world is saying that President Obama wants amnesty for the current Hispanic 12 million illegal immigrants in the U.S. in order to pave the way for the next wave of tens of millions of illegals from the Middle East to the United States, leading to 50 to 100 million Muslims living in the U.S. before the end of Obama’s second term, which will be brought forth by these new U.S. citizens voting for their savior, Obama.”
Source: Mother Jones

GOP Lawmaker Mike Beard Claims God Will Provide Unlimited Natural Resources
In an effort to support coal mining and coal power plants a Republican Minnesota legislator is making the argument God provides unlimited natural resources. Mike Beard, the Minnesota Republican, said “We are not going to run out of anything.” Apparently this is because “God is not capricious.  He’s given us a creation that is dynamically stable.” Beard goes onto support his illuminating argument by saying that God allowed Hiroshima and Nagasaki to recover after nuclear strikes and that his farm was mined for coal three times. Therefore, no environmental protections are needed because no matter what we do, God will fix it for us. Right?
Source: The Huffington Post


No Nuns on Catwalk, Priest Stops “Beauty Contest”
This is a story about an Italian priests’ failed attempt at starting a beauty pageant, to be broadcast online, for nuns. The priests’ plans for the beauty show did not make it too far. Said the priest:  “My superiors were not happy. The local bishop was not happy.” We’re not surprised.
Source: Reuters

Bill Daehler is the spring communications intern for the American Humanist Association. He is currently a student at the University of Kansas.