The Ethical Dilemma: My Boyfriend Wears a Cross. It’s Becoming a Problem.

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Can’t Bear the Cross: I’ve been involved with a really attractive guy for a couple months now. Although I have no idea whether we have a future (probably not, for several reasons besides the one here), I’m really hot for him and don’t care about the future because I’m so enjoying him now.

Here’s the problem—when we’re making love the large cross he wears hits me in the eyes, nose, etc., and often lands in my mouth. Not only does it make me gag literally, it also disturbs me symbolically.

When I finally asked him to remove it just for those occasions, he proclaimed that he never, ever, removes it for any reason and he never, ever will. I knew he was Catholic right from the start, and he’s always known I’m not religious. Do you think there’s any way to find middle ground here, or do I really have to keep my mouth and eyes shut and accept the distracting sensations to enjoy the more pleasurable ones?

He tried flipping the cross to hang down his back, but it always manages to spin around and torment me.


Dear Crucified,

Have you considered asking him to put the cross on a shorter chain, like a choker? Maybe you could wear a fencing mask? That’s about all I can come up with.

I expect this flagellation problem will be moot before long, as both of you start paying more attention to your religious (and other, as you alluded) incompatibilities. His unwillingness to stop doing something that’s irritating you for religious reasons seems like a pretty bad sign. My advice: enjoy it as long as it’s enjoyable, and stop when it stops.