Humanist Voices in Verse: “If You Don’t Watch Out” by Harold Saferstein

This week we’re pleased to publish a poem by Harold Saferstein, who parodies the poem “Little Orphan Annie” by James Whitcomb Riley.

Harold received his M.D. from the University of Illinois and completed his dermatology training at Temple University. He lives in Scottsdale, Arizona, with his wife, Doreen, and is an active member of the Humanist Society of Greater Phoenix.

If you’d like to contribute original poetry to Humanist Voices in Verse, write to hnn@americanhumanist.org with “Poetry” in the subject line. Please send no more than three poems for consideration per week.

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If You Don’t Watch Out

Be sure to pay your income tax, no need to weep and pout,
‘Cause the I.R.S will get you if you don’t watch out.

Avoid investment counselors and all the stocks they tout,
‘Cause the stock market will get you if you don’t watch out.

Don’t ever start a legal war, it may turn out a rout,
And the lawyers will get you if you don’t watch out.

Don’t cross the street in traffic or a motorist will shout
I’m going to hit your butt next time if you don’t watch out.

Be careful that you don’t inhale when cigarette smoke’s about,
Or lung cancer may get you if you don’t watch out.

Run and swim and exercise and never get too stout,
Or a heart attack may get you if you don’t watch out.

Avoid the hot pastrami and spare ribs with sauerkraut,
‘Cause cholesterol will get you if you don’t watch out.

Remember to put your sunscreen on, don’t ever go without,
Or skin cancer will get you if you don’t watch out.

Pray to your God nightly, don’t ever dare to doubt,
Or Humanism may get you if you don’t watch out!

Or ignore all of these warnings, don’t be too smart or clever,
“Cause something’s gonna get you since no one lives forever.

—Harold Saferstein