Humanists Making a Difference: Humanistic Rabbi & Celebrant Adam Chalom
Humanists Making a Difference is our regular series highlighting humanist professionals and the communities they serve. Learn more about the work of celebrants, chaplains, invocators, and lay leaders–and find an endorsed humanist professional near you–at The Humanist Society.
What motivated you to become a celebrant?
I began officiating at life cycle ceremonies (primarily weddings and coming-of-age aka Humanistic Bar/Bat Mitzvahs) during my training to become a Humanistic Rabbi through the International Institute for Secular Humanistic Judaism. I have found that celebrating life with couples and families is one of my favorite parts of this work; people want to celebrate meaningful moments with personal feeling and philosophical integrity, and we get to help them do that.
Why did you seek endorsement with The Humanist Society?
Over the years since my IISHJ Humanistic Rabbi ordination in 2001, I have been contacted by general humanists and other secular people with no Jewish connections from other cultural/ethnic backgrounds who are interested in life cycle celebrations in my area. I felt like a Humanist Society endorsement would facilitate those connections, as well as giving them confidence that (despite my “rabbi” title) I really and truly am a humanist. I also wanted those humanists of Jewish heritage who may not have heard of a humanistic approach to Jewish cultural identity to see that represented, whether or not they use me for their ceremony.
Is there an event you officiated that stands out as rewarding and significant (i.e. unusual wedding ceremony, touching celebration of life, impactful exchange)?
I have found that the continuity of serving families through multiple life moments to be very meaningful. For example, celebrating a wedding, and then being invited to lead their grandparents’ funeral (or, on a more positive note, a baby welcoming ceremony). This “repeat business” is a sign of trust built from our previous collaboration as well as a vote of confidence that I can meet their ceremonial needs with care and integrity. I have also grappled with my own life experiences through officiating ceremonies: considering my relationships with my spouse and children as I learn about other families’ experiences as they share memories in preparation for a funeral, or I get to know them planning a wedding or coming-of-age celebration. It is a privilege to be welcomed into these families’ lives at these most important moments, because each time I learn more about the human condition and our relationships with each other.
Has there been challenging moments in doing this work?
I have worked with families losing a child only a few months old, or one family about my age and stage of life (married, early 30s, 2 kids) facing terminal cancer for the father. It was challenging enough to try to offer comfort, to create a memorial service that was meaningful and uplifting, to keep my own composure through their heartrending loss. What made these even more difficult was inevitably picturing myself facing a similar situation with my own child, or even myself. I did my best to avoid “countertransference” – working out my issues through their experience, but these were particularly challenging events to work through and lead.
How does your nonreligious worldview impact your work?
If this life is the only one there is, then we need to make the most of those special moments. Our ceremonies are not inflexibly governed by traditional rules and conventions (which were invented by people in the first place), though we can draw on traditional elements as they are meaningful to us. We create meaning by what we say and do with deep emotion and attention, especially in those moments when life seems most precious.
How do people (coworkers/clients) respond (if at all) to you being a humanist? Do you often meet people who don’t even know what humanism is?
Working professionally as a Humanistic Rabbi, what I believe is not a surprise to people I work with or generally encounter! Sometimes people are surprised that a rabbi (or anyone Jewish for that matter) can also be a committed philosophical humanist, but both identities are who I am.